In A World Of Shadows

… Our house is filled with pictures of Ani. We look at her every time we move from one room to another. We say “hello”, we say “good night”. This morning, I got up earlier than usual – I have lost the comfort of the few hours I used to sleep.
The dogs were snoozing and not ready to go out at 3 am. So I made coffee and my eyes froze upon one of Ani’s pictures in the living room. It was almost a “living” picture! Somehow the dim light had cast a strange shadow upon her smile. Almost changing it. The picture I took and had looked at a million times seemed new. Seemed like Ani had a new smile.
… I rubbed my eyes, took a sip to wake up my senses, and a strange calm descended upon me. I shut my eyes and recalled the first diaper change. It was December 1993. There was snow outside. The first diaper change!
Then I looked at the picture again. This time, perhaps because I had changed my position on the chair, the shadow was gone. I was now looking at a beautiful girl proud of her 12 years. A girl who never knew how it would feel to be 13. To kiss the first kiss under a tree or behind a wooden door. A girl who would never know the joy of changing the first diaper on her daughter.
… I got up, kissed the picture and took the dogs out for an early walk. Sometimes it is better to cry in the streets, before sunrise….

May 8, 2006