Planting Granite

Almost a year ago I wrote the first lines on this site. They were hopeful lines, even when I knew how unbearable the alternative outcomes could be. I was wrong. Ani, a splendid child, slowly, rapidly, inexorably faded away in front of our eyes. On a sunny July day she died in our arms.
Almost a year ago we lost our innocence as a family. Now our emotional landscape has no mountains. There are no valleys either. We take things as they come, without worrying if they could have happened differently. When we buried Ani, we returned home empty. And empty we have remained.
… Last month, we decided on a headstone for Ani. Shaped as a tear drop, the cold granite will mark a spot where our angel descended, and left us wondering about the fairness of things. A hole under shady trees. A hole covered in snow and wind.
We also decided to have a picture of Ani etched upon that granite. A smile not to be washed away by rain, wind, time or memory. A smile all who met her will remember till they descend to their own hole. And perhaps after.
… I have been going thru the thousands of pictures in boxes, in albums, in books as page markers…. I spend long moments on each picture - - the tale each tells is pure joy. Unaltered pain.
… Almost a year ago I wrote the first lines on this site. Sometimes I do not recognize the man I was then.

June 27, 2006